World Cup Fever

Yes we have it too - even though soccer is for **** - the PBR has little to be excited about with regards to our beloved Royals, so we're keeping up on that game that they play everywhere else in the world.  The US squad is playing some good FOOTball right now and got absolutely hosed in their last match, so much so that the ref has been disqualified from further matches in the World Cup.  That game is probably a perfect example of why we baseball fans hate that silly game, but I for one was more excited watching it than any Royals game during the past five years.  So we thought we would take a look at the Royals roster and see what kind of soccer players they would make...

Kyle Farnsworth:  Not exactly the right build to be playing soccer, could probably deliver a mean header in practice but lacks the overall skill set required for some footy.  However, he would probably make a great drunken English soccer fan; I can just see him in a pub pounding down pints of ale, shouting at the TV and getting in fist fights because he thinks Manchester United is way better than Chelsea.

Willie Bloomquist & Scott Posednik:  Two great examples of Americans that should have taken up soccer, every aspiring S Pods/Bloomy-10 year old out there should quit trying to play other sports right now and start playing soccer.  If we just did this with all short, fast, coordinated above average athletes in America, by the 2018 World Cup we would have the most feared squad ever.  Just take a look at the Spanish team, I would be surprised if there were two players over 6 foot, yet they are one of the best teams around.

Jose Guillen - Even if he had a chance to be good, he would have been forced into retirement a few years ago.  His body has broken down through the rigors of playing Right Field and DH in baseball, I'm guessing that he never would have made it past tryouts in soccer.

Mike Aviles - I'll bet Mike can do one of those curvy-Beckham-like kicks really well.  He just might have hope on the soccer field, if you changed his first name to Miguel and put a soccer jersey on him he could at least past the photo line-up.

Billy Butler - What's a soccer ball?  He might just be the antithesis of a soccer player; I would give lots of money to see Billy posed shirtless next to Cristiano Ronaldo.  Billy couldn't play goalie on a girls AAU sqaud.

Jason Kendall - Obviously he would be the starting goalie until he was 40 on the US squad had he chosen football.  The other team would always score more goals but then the coach would tell you that what Jason does doesn't show-up on the score card (NED wake-up, he's the worst catcher in baseball PERIOD).

Rick Ankiel - He could probably start practicing now and make the US team by 2014.

Chris Getz - I can't believe I forgot to include him with Bloomy and Pods, basically if you're fast and short but can't hit home runs by age 10 my advice is more kicky and less throwy!

Yuniesky Betancourt - Constant running, staying in formation, being aware of the situation...yeah not exactly Yuni's thing is it.

David DeJesus - Best Royals soccer player, hands down.  I'm willing to bet that had David started kicking balls instead of thowing them at age 6 he would be one of the best midfielders in all of soccer, or at least on this side of the pond.  My admitted rudimentary knowledge of soccer aside, he just looks like he could be lobbing passes over the defense and putting corner kicks right on the money.  Basically David's stock is up right now and I really hope he is traded to New York or Boston very soon, he deserves it.

USA! USA! USA!  Here's hoping that Donovan and crew can pull out the victory against Algeria and move on to keep playing in the round of 16.  That's a wrap on the PBR's attempt to see if anyone on the team could have made it as a soccer player.  Basically all pitchers were disqualified due to the fact that pitchers have only one skill and that it does not have anything to do with soccer but if anyone disagrees and feels that Kyle Davies would have been a great soccer player please let us know...

  

Serenity NOW!!!

After a brief honeymoon with Ned Yost, the Royals have been less than impressive of late and the things that make Royals fans talk to to themselves are starting to crop up in bunches, so here's a look at a few that made the PBR's list.

It took Milwaukee Ned some time, but finally he delivered a solid Hilman-esque quote that had me talking to my imaginary Royals fan friend that lives inside my head and sympathizes with me. Regarding the abrupt elevation of Jason Kendall to the two-hole Ned had this to say:

“I like the way it balances our lineup,” Yost said. “It gives us a better look down at the bottom when you have Yuni (Betancourt) hitting ninth, Mitch Maier hitting eighth and Aviles hitting seventh.

“It gives you more offensive production in the bottom of the order. And Jason is just a natural fit in the two-hole. I don’t see any reason why I’d change it.”

“Hitting in the two spot, especially behind a base-stealer like (Scott) Podsednik, you’ve got to be more patient. So it takes away from Mike’s strengths a little bit, and it fits right into Jason’s (strengths).”

Yes, Ned that all important bottom of the order production is what has been holding the Royals back all along. Usually, the thinking is that you give your best hitters the most chances to hit, i.e. batting them higher, however Ned likes to engineer pop from the bottom of the order by putting one of our best hitters there. He also offers the explanation that Mike is not letting Scott Posednik steal enough bases by swinging the bat and that Kendall's only-swing-when-you-must approach is tailor made for the two-hole which is there only to allow the all important S Pods to run rampant on the base paths. My logic goes something like this; we should be building our offense around Aviles and not Posednik, but what do I know I'll just keep talking to myself while Pods and Kendall drive our offense.

Grienke makes me hurt so bad, it's just painful to keep watching this. Grienke's start last night was the culmination of a string of bad ones for him and now there just seems to be no explanation and one of the few exciting days in the life of a disturbed Royals fan is slowly fading.

Bruce Chen is starting again, Gil Meche is toast and if the Royals had just sucked a little bit more in 2008 it could have been Saint Stephen Strasberg starting instead of Chen. While that last bit was just for fun, seriously there is no one who deserves a start more than Bruce Chen??? Hasn't he proven that he is no longer a starting pitcher, if I did my homework before writing this article I could probably name at least 30 pitchers more deserving of a "spot" start than B. Chen but as it is I'll just throw out Robison Tejada, Kyle Farnsworth (why not he doesn't do anything else), Edgar Osuna, Bryan Bullington, Brayan Pena (I realize he's our back-up catcher but I would be ecstatic just to see his smiling face on the field for a change). I can't think of any name I would like to see out there less than Chen.

Wilson F-ing Betemit!!! While Alex Gordon is down in Omaha treating minor league pitching like he were back with the Cornhuskers using a metal bat, we get the message from Dayton Moore that Alex will not be up anytime soon and that Ned likes the versatility of Betemit (for double-switches during interleague play!?!). Aren't Willie Bloomquist and Chris Getz versatile enough? What planet do we live on? Alex Gordon, has it come this far? The Getz/Callaspo-move to the outfield wasn't punishment enough, now Wilson Betemit gets the call up over you.

While I have to say that I really have nothing against Kendall, Chen, Posednik or Betemit these are just things symptomatic of what bad teams do. Kendall and Posednik don't dictate our offense, players like Aviles do. Bruce Chen doesn't get the nod in favor of a dozen other capable younger players and just because Wilson Betemit plays a lot of positions doesn't mean he gets called up in favor of Alex Gordon. It just doesn't make sense.

Serenity NOW, Serenity NOW, Serenity NOW, Serenity NOW, Serenity NOW, Serenity NOW!!!

P-p-p-poker face

Jose Lima was part of one of the most enjoyable summers the Royals have put together in recent memory and even though it faded in the end it was fun while it lasted. According to Sam Mellinger's salute to Lima Time in a typical Lima effort to keep the clubhouse loose and fun he organized Texas Hold ’Em games, which I'm willing to bet Lima dominated, and leads to the PBR's send-off to the man who seemingly pitched with his best poker face on all summer long trying to bluff the Royals into a division title. Here is a look at what type of poker players we have on the current roster:

Brian Bannister - He's the pitcher who probably most reminds you of Lima, in that he gets it done with less than most pitchers have. This is also probably how he plays poker, through a combination of a good poker face and knowing when to pick his spots he can win hands with less than great cards.

Jose Guillen - Probably the worst poker player on the team; you know he whines and pouts when things aren't going his way, but by God if he ever wins you will hear about it. Also the type of guy who shows you his hand when he wins a bluff and brags about it for days, but in general always loses his money.

Jason Kendall - Another bad poker player, but he's the type who will always tell you what you did wrong and always thinks that he knows what you've got but then folds.

Willie Bloomquist - Good sport, never wins and doesn't see the need for the use of such bad language at the table.

Tejada & Betancourt - They're still learning the rules.

Mike Aviles - Wins a lot of big hands, he's the guy that always hits flushes and full houses on the river and you are left wondering how your Aces and Kings got beat.

Billy Butler - Never quite has the big hands but always plays his pair. He's the Guy that with three people in and an Ace, a Queen and a Jack on the table he'll still play that pair of Tens. Kendall always tells Billy his mistakes but Billy doesn't listen.

Kyle Farnsworth - Is he still on the team?

Gil Meche - He used to be a good poker player but one night he played too late lost all of his money and just hasn't been the same since.

Zach Grienke - He just wins, he's probably memorized every hand combination possible and watched over 2000 hours of World Series of Poker tapes. His favorite movie is Rounders.

Alex Gordon - No room at the table for him, so he and Kila have their own game up in Omaha and take money off poor league minimum minors.

Getz and Posednik: Their skills do not translate into poker and they always run out of money really FAST because they think that pairs of Twos and Threes play.

Help round-out the roster and give us your thoughts on the rest of the team at the poker table. And thanks to Lima Time for giving the Royals a bright spot in a lot of bad memories for our team.

Who are we?

After yet another Grienke hiccup, the end of the Yost bullpen string of luck and a nagging feeling that things will always be the same, the Royals and their Fans find themselves in period of deep soul-searching...

How much longer will I dawn the powder-blue uniform?

Jose Guillen is basically swinging the bat as hard as possible to get off the team; he knows, the fans know and management knows that if any team were willing to give up slightly more than an autographed team photo for his services then that team could have Jose. He can't want to be here any more than we want him here and I'm willing to bet that for about 1/12th of his salary management would pull the trigger regardless of whether or not they were returned more than a supplemental pick in next year's bat-boy draft.

Pods, DDJ & Ankiel; AKA, the starting outfield. They're all probably on the block barring the most amazing comeback in MLB history. However, it is hard to imagine more than luke-warm interest unless the Royals employ snipers to start picking-off the starting outfields of all the contending teams.

Pitchers not named Hochevar & Grienke: You never know, its about the time of year when teams start the annual I-need-a-pitcher-dread and with fair value just about anyone would be there for the taking.

Where will I be in 5 years?

Zach Grienke? Still in KC going 10-10, but making Joe Mauer prodigal son money? On the big stage in one of the coasts, stopping by the Midwest only to pick-up a win against mediocre competition? Winning the Daytona 500 because I quit baseball again.

Billy Butler, I will always be able to hit .290, thus someone will pay me. But will I ever hit 30 hrs? If yes, then I'm valuable to KC and they will sign me long-term, if not, then I will never quite be the big bat the team needs but they will still probably sign me long term. I'm just never going to be Ryan Howard, am I?

Chris Getz, it has been a roller coaster of emotions this year; first I was traded for Mark Teahen, ouch! Then I'm the new starting 2B on another team and the jewel of the owner's eye, next I get hurt only to come back and displace a .300 hitter along with a former all-world prospect. Then this Mike Aviles guy comes along and won't stop hitting the ball really hard. Now I have to wait for a Cuban defector to fuck-up and move Aviles out of my position. I'm not worried though because I hustle, bunt well, run fast and dog-gone-it coaches LOVE ME!

Alex Gordon, in the minors on my 50th rehab assignment going for a Crash Davis-like homerun record? All-star LF for the Royals? Hitting 30hrs/year for Boston while KC fans storm Dayton Moore's office for trading me for Chris Getz part II?

Jason Kendall, Bear Wrestling, Ultimate Fighting competitions? STILL catching 130 games/year? Ned Yost's bench coach, Dayton Moore's Director of Player Philosophy? I guess as long as I'm not on your team you don't care, do you?

Why am I a Royals Fan?

Why you shouldn't be is a much easier question to answer but we will be rewarded for our patience or something like that.

Lost in Translation

Of course everyone knows that Hillman is gone and the KC Royals are in a period of "regime change," so after a few days of careful consideration as to exactly how to address his goodbye, we here at the PBR just want to say thanks. The original name of this blog was Lost in Translation - the reference is obvious for anyone who has seen the movie - and was inspired by the fact that Trey seemed to be speaking another language and his managing only made sense to himself. Posnanski has basically summed up the why behind this, so as opposed to going into some "we told you so" bitter blog post kicking old Tokyo Trey while he's down we just wanted to say thanks for being our muse here at the PBR and we do hope the bass are biting down in Texas. We admit, we probably couldn't have done any better.

Morning Line: Royals Preakness

In the spirit of the second leg of the Triple Crown, The Preakness, the handicappers here at the Powder Blue Room have handicapped a fictitious race in which the field is comprised of current Royals players.

The following are the morning line odds with a description of each horse (player). Keep in mind the winner of this race will simply be the best overall baseball player and not necessarily the "fastest" (as in run the fasteset). Is there an OTB (Off Track Betting Center) near Aurthur Bryant's?

All horses trained by Trainer Trey Hillman, listed with morning line odds:

Note: I just learned that Trey Hillman was fired but we will press on as a momento to Trey. Hint: Race horses run as "rookies" as two-year olds. They run in the Triple Crown as three-year olds.

Horse;Odds

Mike Aviles; 10-1

Hard runner who always finishes in the money. Injured last year after a solid two-year old campaign. Lacks the true arm strength to compete with the gems of the Triple Crown circuit but worth a play on the exotic bets. Handily beat fellow Preakness entry Yuniesky Betancourt last time out.

Willie Bloomquist; 40-1

No one really knows why Trainer Trey keeps trotting this horse out there time and time again. Comes from the long line of disappointing nags out of the Seattle Mariners stable. Willie trains hard and is a breeze to have around the barn except that he can't run with the others at this level. Willie will show up early and be the first out of the gate, but will be far back by the three quarters poll.

Zach Greinke; 1-15

The obvious favorite here and the class of the field far and away. He will break slow and spend the first half mile off the pace lofting 68 mph curve balls before turning it on at the mile poll. The only way he looses is if Trainer Trey attempts to switch out jockeys for the stretch run using Bruce Chen's jockey "to create a better match-up". Zach is an independent colt and knows better.

Brayan Pena; 15-1

Pena brings excellent value to the betting window as a quality, unraced horse. Trainer Trey seems insistent on running his aging stable-mate Mr. Ed (Jason Kendall) but the Royals Stable ownership (Glass family) finally decided to give the young horse a chance.

Billy Butler; 6-1

The only other horse in the field with a chance to give Zach a run at the end. Billy is prone to swinging 6 horses wide in an attempt to start his powerful stretch run. He brings a good finish every time, just sometimes misses the mark.

Rick Ankeil; 25-1

Rick was a champion 2-year old horse who set the word on fire in the Breeders Cup Juvenile. Then Rick forgot how to run and had to go retrain himself as a harness horse. Gotta give the horse credit for learning how to switch running styles, but no shot for the win on this one. Might be worth a look in an exotic bet on one of his good days.

Joakim Soria; 8-1

This track doesn't really fit his style as a (ahem) closer. Not firing like he has in years past, but of course its hard to be a closer when no one sets the pace or scores any runs to ever have a lead. Soria was picked up in Mexican claiming race as one of the Royals stables' best finds in recent history.

Bruce Chen; 2,309,309,0249-1

Bruce breaks from the gate, realizes he's outclassed at this level and does the world a favor and retires before anything serious can happen.

Kyle Farnsworth; 20-1

A menacing looking horse at 17 hands and 1400 lbs and has some front running ability. Kyle never seems to get it all going at the same time despite flashes. Look for him in the exotic bets.

Field:

Dusty Hughes
Kyle Davies
Chris Getz et all

seek help

Trey's response to all of those people who thought he enjoyed losing:

“For people who don’t think that I’m frustrated, all you have to do is look at a picture of when I was hired and look at my face and my hair now.

“I’ve had more people tell me this year that I better get the Grecian Formula out than ever before.”

Trey, buddy, its time to start looking out for old numero uno. Take some time off, re-assess things, and see where you're at next year. We promise we'll hold your spot open, we believe in you. But health first, you're obviously going through a really stressful time in your life and we don't want to see your health suffer. Take a vacation, Alaska maybe, hang out with the Fam but stay far far away from the Royals for a while, really doctor's orders!

Maybe its even time for a career change you seem to have real potential as a TV spokesman, see if you can get a job with Kieth Hernandez and Walt Frazier on the next Just For Men shoot.