Now that the winter meetings have kicked off and the GM’s are meeting at the O’Hare Hilton instead of the ocean view St. Regis in California, it means that cocktail season is fully upon us.
I know Brian Cashman and all the “joey workaholics” of the baseball world claim they do nothing but stay locked in their room, working on “deals”.
However, some of the these people must get out and about and at least do some “dinner deals”. You know, a little trip down to the Hotel Bar? I mean seriously Gents, it’s not as if you are in the war room with Bernanke, Geithner and crew working on keeping the world economy afloat. But then…maybe arguing over AIG is no different than arguing about Miguel Olivo’s free agent value.
Keeping with the jovial spirit of deal making here I am going to outline what I think each current Royal would order at our hypothetical cocktail party down in the hotel bar. Just note that while attempting to steer on the complete side of politically correct, we might blurr a couple of stereotype rules here.
If you really have any qualms about them, run them by Jason Whitlock for confirmation before launching full assault.
Dayton Moore - One always must know what the boss drinks. I’ll bet Dayton fancies himself as a real Don Draper type, but if you gave him an Old Fashioned he’d probably turn up his nose and say “it tastes like alcohol”.
My guess is that while he wishes he could set there and slug scotch with Don till the wee hours of the morning, Dayton thinks he’s cool asking the bartender which beers he has on tap, taking a minute to decide and then proudly announcing that he’ll have the “blue honkers October pumpkin stout red ale with brusslesprout strands”. Dayton will think he is the first person that “started drinking this back when it was a “micro brewery”. He’ll also probably overpay.
John Buck - Johnny Buck Hunter can handle a shot of Jack when need be, and has choked down a vodka drink once at a wedding. However, I’ll bet John actually nods his head in agreement at those Bud Light commercials that talk about “drinkability”. Big Buck never strays off the Anheiser –Busch ranch.
Mike Jacobs – Mike got kicked out of the bar before he could get to it because someone around 5’-6” accidently bumped into him and Mike tried to start a fight. Of course he swung and missed.
Kyle Farnsworth - Kyle sneaks his own flask of Wild Turkey 100 into the club. Every now and then he summons “babe” the cocktail waitress over to bring him a vodka and Rock Star. He shows up loaded and leaves even more loaded. Kyle spends most of the night alone, starring at people through his shooter glasses he has tinted for when he “clubs”.
Gil Meche – Gil might get the classy award here. Gil’s been making some money for a bit and actually might know what goes into a drink that includes a spirit, mixer and ice. He might even enjoy a vodka tonic. Gil banters with everyone while dressed in jeans, collared shirt and sport coat.
Willie Bloomquist – Willie doesn’t get past the doorman because he forgot his ID. When he tells the doorman that he plays major league baseball they immediately call the police.
Alex Gordon – Alex struts in wearing an Abercrombie t-shirt, cargo shorts and flip-flops with his baseball hat on. All he knows it that it was really awesome when he used to go out to the Husker Shucker back in college. Alex drinks Bud Light draughts and Jaeger bombs. The bar quits serving him after a couple of rounds because Alex thinks “keeping the change” on four dollars for his $3.75 beer is a quality tip.
Jose Guillen – Jose drinks Patron like water. But that’s only because he saw Daddy Yankee and El Hector doing it in one of their reggaeton videos a couple of years ago. Jose gets much taller and much tougher with each hit of Patron. By the end of the night he begins to make outrageous predictions such as playing an entire season uninjured.
Yuniesky Betancourt – Mr. Betancourt doesn’t even know what his favorite drink is. The man holds his booze well and if you’re looking to “let’s go get a shot”, well Yuniesky is your man. It could be acid injected with swine flu and he pounds it down. His clothes however, would make a Turkish casino goer blush.
We’ll continue this list as time progresses. Perhaps after a walk off home run, the reporter should ask “what is your favorite drink”, instead of “what was going through your mind at that particular moment”. At least we might get an answer.
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