Press the Panic Button NOW!

We here at the PBR aren't the types to offer calming advice on how to keep things in perspective early in the season. No, we take our laptop computers and go running for the panic room. The Royals are not well my friends. Thankfully we have enough scapegoats to fill a roster...

#1 Jonathan Broxton: He got this whole thing rolling with the worst blown save in Royals history, he leads off.

#2 Luke Hochevar: I don't care how unlucky he got in that one inning, it was demoralizing to come home to a stadium full of hopeful fans and then just serve it up like that. Unacceptable.

#3 Rex Hudler: I'm convinced that Frank White wouldn't let this happen.

#4 Greg Holland: Couldn't he have just carried last year over to this year? Was it really too much to ask?

#5 Alex Gordon: He forgot to tell everyone that he was going to "dominate" again this year.

#6 Jonathan Sanchez: Doing his best to accomplish the feat of making trading Melky Carbrera look like a bad decision.

#7 Luis Mendoza: For proving the old baseball adage that spring training stats are worthless, and then forgetting to tell Ned Yost and Dayton Moore about his experiment.

#8 Aaron Crow: For not having a third pitch which allows you to beat out Luis Mendoza in the starting rotation.

#9 Humberto Quintero: He's hitting too well for us to just blame all of this on the Sal Perez injury.

#10 Eric Hosmer: Stop toying with our emotions like this.

#11 Jeff Francouer: He forgot how to lead like a veteran and also hit like a young man.

#12 Mike Moustakas: You shouldn't be cheered on by fans for having a name which vaguely sounds like an animal, very bush league.
 
#13 Alices Escobar: Not much to blame here, but I'd trade you back for Mike Aviles and Zack Greinke; a true ace and a shortstop good enough for the Red Sox, any other takers?

#14 Tim Collins: Sorry, but one bad outing is all it takes, loss #3 of 9 (the bench clearing game) has your fingerprints all over it.

#15 Billy Butler: Singles just aren't good enough, neither are double plays on 3-0 counts.

#16 Louis Coleman: You were called up specifically because we didn't have enough scapegoats.

#17 Brayan Pena: Almost without fault, but I'm blaming you for the Kelvin Herrera pitch selection today...

#18 Kelvin Herrera: 100 mph fastballs go fast in the other direction too.

#19 Yuni: Your fielding range was cited as one of the scapegoats for Luke Hochevar's game. Also, the fact that you're leading off for the Royals is some seriously damaging evidence that it is most certainly not "Our Time."

#20 Jason Burgeois: You being our right handed "bat" off the bench clearly says not "Our Time."

#21 Mitch Maier: Sorry Mitchy, but Mitch Maier starting CF = NOT "Our Time."

#22 Chris Getz: Getting beat out by Yuni makes it pretty clear that "your time" is nearing an end.

#23 Jose Mijares: A lefty specialist isn't much good when you have to use him to eat innings because your starting rotation thinks five innings is a complete game. Less a scapegoat than a symptom.

#24 Everett Teaford: Long relief is set-up to fail, it can only lead to being a scapegoat.

#25 Jeremy Jeffress: How's this for a vote of confidence; Hey, Jeremy, I know we sent you down to the minors about a year ago for walking too many hitters, but why don't you take another crack at the pen because...well...you're our last resort.

#26 Danny Duffy: Seriously Danny? You mean you're not ready to throw 130+ pitch complete games and out duel Justin Verlander, we need more.

#27 Bruce Chen: Just stop it already. We're just not good for each other.  Some team has to need you come trade deadline. We'll all say our good byes and move on, it's for the best.

#28 Ned Yost: Dayton Moore hired Ned based on his Craigslist ad which read: PROFESSIONAL SCAPEGOAT FOR HIRE. Ned has yet to make the right move even once this year and will be fired one year from today, mark it down.

#29 The Royals Marketing Department: Do you have any idea how many "Our Time" jokes are out there? Really? You know you made us do this, right? You couldn't possibly have had the foresight to see this one coming? 26 years of evidence wasn't enough, you thought you were going to reverse all of that with a slogan? Not really working working for Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce, are you?

#30 Dayton Moore: Oh yeah, it's your turn. Do you realize that today a pitcher you let go for nothing pitched a perfect game? And the Boston Red Sox have a starting SS hitting .300 for whom you got 23 ABs out of Yamico Navarro last year and a wad of cash. The Cubs have a leadoff hitter with a .400 OBP and we have Vinny Mazzaro, and Frenchy's sub .300 OBP. And to top it off the SF Giants have an everyday outfielder hitting over .300 and we have Jonathan Sanchez. You really know how to pick' em Dayton. Okay maybe that was a bit harsh, but this is no time for praising the GM of a team on a nine game losing streak.

Deep breath, happy thoughts, it's all a bad dream, right? No, the Royals are in a bad place right now and I have no idea how it could possibly get worse, but it very well could and that's the scariest part of all. I believe that extreme pessimism is the logical takeaway from a nine game losing streak like this one, but if we win nine in a row I'm getting "Our Time" tattooed on my...