Enough is enough sports fans and since we thrown the ashes of Ron Mahay over the edge of the ship, let us have some fun. As punishment for an abysmal season, we shall fill out a line-up card that places current members of the squad in positions that they would hate to play. We are going for misery here, the good old fashioned suffering kind (as in making Jeremy Affeldt throw hay bales without gloves…we’ll show you what real blisters look and feel like, Jeremy.)
1. Bryan Pena CF
I actually kind of like Pena, but it would be nice to see his dumpy butt have to run out to center field every inning. By the fifth, he should have to race Sluggerrr to the centerfield wall. First one to touch the 400 sign wins. Morning line favorite is Sluggerrr.
2. Mark Teahen C
Yes sir, I want pretty Markus to have to strap on the old shin guards. Then I want Kyle Farnsworth to work on his split finger pitch on a particularly bad day (like after he has blown 9,023,402,398 consecutive holds), in a sauna, using the thin little Wilson chest protectors, after a Jeep Jamboree has occurred in front of the plate, and I want Mark to BLOCK EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE THEM. For every ball that he doesn’t block to land squarely in front of the plate, his punishment will be to drive in a run from third base with less than two out. That should scare him to death.
3. Josh Anderson, 3B
If Josh thinks that ground balls hit to him in the outfield are tough (particularly the kind that he ends up kicking enough to lend the other team an inside the park home run), well Josh will take great solace in holding down the old hot corner with Bruce Chen pitching and Vladimir Guerrero up to bat on a 2-0 count. And Josh….take away the bunt, would you please.
4. Zach Greinke, Team psychologist
Actually Zach loves to hit and unfortunately would probably be an adequate four hole on this team, so this one doesn’t really count. We don’t call him Zoloft Greinke for nothin’.
5. Billy Butler, SS
This one is easy, but watching Pugsly give chase to balls up the middle and have to dive and stuff might take my eyes of Sluggerrr for an inning or two. Plus, I’ll bet Billy’s under pressure double play turn is lightening quick. Fifteen cleat-marks on the thigh later, maybe Billy will give jumping after he throws a whirl.
6. Dayton Moore, 1B
Attempting dig Mr. Anderson’s throws from shallow left, because that’s how scared he is and Billy’s standard four hopper across diamond, in conjunction with some Dr. Greinke’s prescription pills, might cause Dayton to quit signing people like Kyle Farnsworth, Bruce Chen and Ron Mayay. Oh, and don’t forget Mark Teahan’s snap throw from the knees.
7. Jose Guillen, Bud Light Vendor
Actually I would pay $500 to make Jose tramp up a whole bunch of stairs, in the KC August heat, wielding a cooler of beers, yelling at the top of his lungs and then come over to me, twist one off, and smile while I tip him the bottle cap. Jose might get in shape on this one, strengthen up those hamstrings and reduce his backyotomy rate by half. In reality anything requiring effort would work here….and Jose, could you get me the really cold one at the bottom please.
8. Mike Jacobs, 2B
I don’t have anywhere else to put him, but you know in the movie Major League when Willie Mays Hays has to do ten pushups every time he hits a pop up in batting practice? Well, we’ll do the same with Mike. Every time he doesn’t hit a home-run or double, he has to go a day without chewing Red Man. Heads up Durry Inn.
9. Yuniesky Betancourt, P
Wait a second, this is his natural position. He’s lazy, has a good arm, no range and can’t hit his rear-end with either hand. Solid middle relief is on the way in 2012, in Mr. Betancourt and Tony Pena Jr.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Two-hole Rant
Watching Tokyo Trey fill out the line-up card everyday with Willie Bloomquist at #2 has become an unbearable source of frustration. The merits of Willie playing everyday are in and of themselves highly questionable but with Gordon having been inexplicably sent down to the minors its either him or Josh Anderson in Right so unless we plan on giving John Buck or Brayan Pena a shot in Right I'll take Willie on most days. Which leads us to the question of why he should be hitting 2nd everyday - his numbers are at best those of a major league 9-hole hitter - when we have one very good candidate for a classic two-hole hitter and another option far better than Willie. Lets start with the obvious, On Base Percentage, Lil' Wil currently sports a .301 OBP (yes, for all of the anti Mike Jacobs sentiment out there he actually gets on base more than Willie), while Callaspo carries the third highest on the team at .342 and Mr. Teahen gets on base at a rate of .336. Remember these are the guys hitting in front of Billy Butler, the ONLY hitter that can be confused for a run-producer on the team, MORE GUYS ON BASE EQUALS MORE RBI FOR BILLY. Fun facts: Callaspo is the best contact hitter on the team (best BB/SO ratio) and Teahen leads the team in runs scored.
Lets think about what is going on in Trey's brain for one sec, I'm guessing his thinking would go like this; speed speed speed, Willie fast, Willie steal bases, Willie bats 2nd. Teahen and Callaspo have 31 and 30 doubles respectively while Willie has gone for a grand total of 7. Do his stolen bases make-up for this? 18 SB + 7 2B = 25, so no they don't and Teahen even steals a few bases and runs quite well.
Future development; in a perfect world yes, Teahen would be our everyday 5-hole hitter, knock in 100, hit 25 homers, but if he has proven anything it is that he will not be this guy, although who knows maybe it is still worth a shot given the alternatives. However, Callaspo is in no way an ideal run producer but he could be the Royals starting 2nd basemen and 2-hole hitter for a few years, are we grooming Willie for this? I really hope not.
What is one of if not the biggest problem for the Royals? Scoring Runs. Why don't we want our best OBP guys hitting in front of Billy Butler? Is it too obvious? Doesn't there have to be an explanation? This is just Trey at his best; confusing, frustrating and dissappointing. For all of the tinkering with the line-up that he does one of the constants is that if Willie plays he hits two-hole, wouldn't you think at some point he would get around to this change? Actually with Trey not trying this makes the most sense.
Lets think about what is going on in Trey's brain for one sec, I'm guessing his thinking would go like this; speed speed speed, Willie fast, Willie steal bases, Willie bats 2nd. Teahen and Callaspo have 31 and 30 doubles respectively while Willie has gone for a grand total of 7. Do his stolen bases make-up for this? 18 SB + 7 2B = 25, so no they don't and Teahen even steals a few bases and runs quite well.
Future development; in a perfect world yes, Teahen would be our everyday 5-hole hitter, knock in 100, hit 25 homers, but if he has proven anything it is that he will not be this guy, although who knows maybe it is still worth a shot given the alternatives. However, Callaspo is in no way an ideal run producer but he could be the Royals starting 2nd basemen and 2-hole hitter for a few years, are we grooming Willie for this? I really hope not.
What is one of if not the biggest problem for the Royals? Scoring Runs. Why don't we want our best OBP guys hitting in front of Billy Butler? Is it too obvious? Doesn't there have to be an explanation? This is just Trey at his best; confusing, frustrating and dissappointing. For all of the tinkering with the line-up that he does one of the constants is that if Willie plays he hits two-hole, wouldn't you think at some point he would get around to this change? Actually with Trey not trying this makes the most sense.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Ok, some ground rules
I’m not sure on the pure mathematics of the situation, but let us say, for arguments sake, that the Royals are eliminated from playoff contention (make sure your “years without a playoff –birth-O meter” has the capacity to read “24”, and if the price is right you might want to upgrade to the three digit model now before they get to pricy).
With that out of the way, we shall develop a small working list of ground rules that the front office might want to use as some light reading material in order to avoid some of the pitfalls famous in these glorious past 23 years of blowout success.
1) The propensity to fall in love with small in stature, soft-tossing left-handers, particularly of the aging variety must cease. Darrel May, Chris George, Brian Anderson, Jimmy Gobble, Bruce Chen (see the pattern). If you must stop gap measure at least make sure that if Mars, Saturn and the planetary motions line up, that the pitcher should fool at least one major league hitter.
2) If the man’s first name is “Bruce” and his last name is “Chen”, never, never, never, sign him. Call-up either the Section 4 peanut vendor in Wilmington or Mr. Chen’s youngest son or daughter, all of whom warrant sucking up a 25 man roster space way more than the Brucemeister.
3) Any signee over the age of 30, who is promised more than $1.5 million per annum must post a performance bond of at least 80% of the total contractual amount. Of course no player will agree to such terms. This might deter our fearless front office from paying old people way too much money to put up numbers the average AA ballplayer produces between trips to Golden Corral on his $15 a day per diem.
4) A player over the age of 30 must out hit a younger prospect by at least 20% in all offensive categories.
An example: Willie “the sparkplug” Bloomquist should not receive his own Macy’s Day Parade and key to the city for hitting .257 with 3 hr and 21 RBI. (Willie now has nine, (9), neuf, neuve, CAREER home runs).
Thus a comparable, strapping, young lad down in AA who would actually make someone on the street not guess “junior, junior, vice vice vice president at Sprint” as his occupation, would have to be able put up the following numbers: 0.214, 2.5 hrs, 17.5 RBI….ect…On second thought, just have open tryouts on the concourse level of the renovated K two hours before each game. Or…there is always Craigslist.
Again this is a working list and shall be updated every time Bruce Chen gets a start.
With that out of the way, we shall develop a small working list of ground rules that the front office might want to use as some light reading material in order to avoid some of the pitfalls famous in these glorious past 23 years of blowout success.
1) The propensity to fall in love with small in stature, soft-tossing left-handers, particularly of the aging variety must cease. Darrel May, Chris George, Brian Anderson, Jimmy Gobble, Bruce Chen (see the pattern). If you must stop gap measure at least make sure that if Mars, Saturn and the planetary motions line up, that the pitcher should fool at least one major league hitter.
2) If the man’s first name is “Bruce” and his last name is “Chen”, never, never, never, sign him. Call-up either the Section 4 peanut vendor in Wilmington or Mr. Chen’s youngest son or daughter, all of whom warrant sucking up a 25 man roster space way more than the Brucemeister.
3) Any signee over the age of 30, who is promised more than $1.5 million per annum must post a performance bond of at least 80% of the total contractual amount. Of course no player will agree to such terms. This might deter our fearless front office from paying old people way too much money to put up numbers the average AA ballplayer produces between trips to Golden Corral on his $15 a day per diem.
4) A player over the age of 30 must out hit a younger prospect by at least 20% in all offensive categories.
An example: Willie “the sparkplug” Bloomquist should not receive his own Macy’s Day Parade and key to the city for hitting .257 with 3 hr and 21 RBI. (Willie now has nine, (9), neuf, neuve, CAREER home runs).
Thus a comparable, strapping, young lad down in AA who would actually make someone on the street not guess “junior, junior, vice vice vice president at Sprint” as his occupation, would have to be able put up the following numbers: 0.214, 2.5 hrs, 17.5 RBI….ect…On second thought, just have open tryouts on the concourse level of the renovated K two hours before each game. Or…there is always Craigslist.
Again this is a working list and shall be updated every time Bruce Chen gets a start.
Monday, August 10, 2009
It's time...
For Willie Bloomquist to stop occupying a spot where someone else should be, with his average now under .260, him hitting in the two-hole just doesn't make any sense. Alberto Callaspo's numbers are exactly what you want out of this spot in the order and Trey's insistence on hitting Willie in that position is now costing the team runs - .050 difference in OBPS on the guy hitting in front of Billy Butler. Remember all of those wasted doubles hit by Butler and Callaspo??? The Royals are never going to be anything more than what they are with a lifelong utility player taking potential everyday players out of the starting line-up. Willie is an excellent player to have on the bench but he should never, ever, on any respectable ball club (presumably what the Royals strive to be) get more than 250-300 at bats (case-in-point 165abs with a 100 loss Seattle club last year). It was at least excusable when he was hovering around .280 but at .257 he is hurting the development of a team.
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