Right after Turkey Day and before or during Christmas seems to be the perfect time for any major leaguer to take a nice vacation and spend some of his hard earned bucks. The Royals are not exactly the A-Rod sit front row at a Lakers game types however surely they get out of KC and have a little fun. The following is an attempt to predict where these guys will spend some free time before getting back to the daily grind of jogging poles and taking ground balls in the brutal climate of Surprise, Arizona.
Buck and Farny: Some how I see these guys in a similar vein, maybe it is because both will have long major league careers with few overly outstanding moments but if you are capable of throwing 95mph then you are a middle reliver for life making a cool few mil per for as long as your body holds out similarly if you are a catcher who can hit a homerun every now and again you will have a job for the same period of time redardless of ever accomplishing anything that stands out. I´ve narrowed down Buck and Farney to three options. The first is Ice fishing in Canada with their buddies, just a good exuse to throw away around $20K to take home a 20lb Nothern Pike and get drunk with the exuse that Jack Danies keeps you warm. Second, I´m betting that at least one of these guys has 500 acres somewhere west of the Mississippi solely dedicated to shooting things, deer, Elk, Bald Eagles it doesn´t really matter a nice gun colection is a good way for any pro athlete to flush his money. The third guess is that they think they need to get some sun with thier ladie friends and their idea of sun & fun is to call their travel agent and buy a nice classy all-inclusive Cruise. $10-15K gets you a great view, a hot tub in the room, free champagne and as many dead animals as you can eat, not to mention plenty of stops at places called San Something where they can play golf while hunny-bunny gets some rays. These guys seem pretty predictable so moving on...
Grienke: Who knows??? With this guy anything is possible, my best guess is that he goes early to Arizona for Spring Training and tries to hustle pro golfers for money.
Mitchy: Mitchy seems like he might have a little outdoor dude in him, so he goes to Jackson Hole to shred some slopes and look for Snow Bunnies.
Willie: Honey get the Kids we´re going to Disney Land, Thanks Dad we love you!!!
Jose: This man now has a house in his home DR that rivals Bill Gates and Martha Stewart pads. What he does with his money is to blow it on additions to the house; this year he thinks he needs to get in shape so he intalls a $500K Gym complete with full time trainers and live Daddy Yankee concerts for inspiration. He also decided his kids needed a Zoo.
Billy and Alex: These two still haven't got their big pay days but I'll bet they save just enough every year to hit up Florida for a nice two week resort and spa package, basically the college spring breaks they never got to have.
Gil: Another wild card, he's got the ways and means, but seems like a bit of a workaholic. I'm thinking Gil is a closet foodie and oenophile, so he jets off to Napa Valley to spend a week in a nice rustic house while touring the vineyards and racking up $1000 dinner bills like DL stints. This year Gil was particularly impressed with the Pinot Noirs but the 2004 Sancerre he had was "out of this world" and the Braised Bison with Pine Nut Chimichurri he had at his favorite restaurant gave him a hard-on for a week.
Mike Jacobs: Mikey signs himself up for a personally guided, deluxe tour of a tobacco plantation in North Carolina . By upgrading to the “Four Star Jefferson Davis Gentleman Package” he ensures himself a tour of the local Red Man Chewing Tobacco Plant. Mike never gets to the plant because he is repeatedly caught picking tobacco leaves off the plants and stuffing them into his mouth, upon which the tour guide penalizes him by force feeding him 4 lbs of horrible North Carolina barbeque.
Yuniesky Betancourt: Yuniesky loves Clubbing so somehow through a friend of a friend he ends up in London and never leaves, making Victor’s parade through Europe in Rules of Attraction look like an eagle scout convention. He is absolutely amazed what money can buy you in the old country and he discovers the rewards of well fitting clothes. Next season, expect Sir Yuniesky to roll like Willie Mays Hays in well tailored slim fitting suits, while the Arctic Monkeys replace the Buena Vista Social Club on his day for clubhouse music.
David DeJesus: David looks like someone who knows how to spend money and he recently discovered that his Grandfather's name was D'Amici so he now thinks he's Italian. Its off to the home land this offseason; he hits-up fashion shows in Milan, checks out Michelangelo in Florence, does the Coliseum and Vatican in Rome and eats pizza in Naples before renting a Yacht to float around off the Amalfi Coast.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
It’s Cocktail Hour
Now that the winter meetings have kicked off and the GM’s are meeting at the O’Hare Hilton instead of the ocean view St. Regis in California, it means that cocktail season is fully upon us.
I know Brian Cashman and all the “joey workaholics” of the baseball world claim they do nothing but stay locked in their room, working on “deals”.
However, some of the these people must get out and about and at least do some “dinner deals”. You know, a little trip down to the Hotel Bar? I mean seriously Gents, it’s not as if you are in the war room with Bernanke, Geithner and crew working on keeping the world economy afloat. But then…maybe arguing over AIG is no different than arguing about Miguel Olivo’s free agent value.
Keeping with the jovial spirit of deal making here I am going to outline what I think each current Royal would order at our hypothetical cocktail party down in the hotel bar. Just note that while attempting to steer on the complete side of politically correct, we might blurr a couple of stereotype rules here.
If you really have any qualms about them, run them by Jason Whitlock for confirmation before launching full assault.
Dayton Moore - One always must know what the boss drinks. I’ll bet Dayton fancies himself as a real Don Draper type, but if you gave him an Old Fashioned he’d probably turn up his nose and say “it tastes like alcohol”.
My guess is that while he wishes he could set there and slug scotch with Don till the wee hours of the morning, Dayton thinks he’s cool asking the bartender which beers he has on tap, taking a minute to decide and then proudly announcing that he’ll have the “blue honkers October pumpkin stout red ale with brusslesprout strands”. Dayton will think he is the first person that “started drinking this back when it was a “micro brewery”. He’ll also probably overpay.
John Buck - Johnny Buck Hunter can handle a shot of Jack when need be, and has choked down a vodka drink once at a wedding. However, I’ll bet John actually nods his head in agreement at those Bud Light commercials that talk about “drinkability”. Big Buck never strays off the Anheiser –Busch ranch.
Mike Jacobs – Mike got kicked out of the bar before he could get to it because someone around 5’-6” accidently bumped into him and Mike tried to start a fight. Of course he swung and missed.
Kyle Farnsworth - Kyle sneaks his own flask of Wild Turkey 100 into the club. Every now and then he summons “babe” the cocktail waitress over to bring him a vodka and Rock Star. He shows up loaded and leaves even more loaded. Kyle spends most of the night alone, starring at people through his shooter glasses he has tinted for when he “clubs”.
Gil Meche – Gil might get the classy award here. Gil’s been making some money for a bit and actually might know what goes into a drink that includes a spirit, mixer and ice. He might even enjoy a vodka tonic. Gil banters with everyone while dressed in jeans, collared shirt and sport coat.
Willie Bloomquist – Willie doesn’t get past the doorman because he forgot his ID. When he tells the doorman that he plays major league baseball they immediately call the police.
Alex Gordon – Alex struts in wearing an Abercrombie t-shirt, cargo shorts and flip-flops with his baseball hat on. All he knows it that it was really awesome when he used to go out to the Husker Shucker back in college. Alex drinks Bud Light draughts and Jaeger bombs. The bar quits serving him after a couple of rounds because Alex thinks “keeping the change” on four dollars for his $3.75 beer is a quality tip.
Jose Guillen – Jose drinks Patron like water. But that’s only because he saw Daddy Yankee and El Hector doing it in one of their reggaeton videos a couple of years ago. Jose gets much taller and much tougher with each hit of Patron. By the end of the night he begins to make outrageous predictions such as playing an entire season uninjured.
Yuniesky Betancourt – Mr. Betancourt doesn’t even know what his favorite drink is. The man holds his booze well and if you’re looking to “let’s go get a shot”, well Yuniesky is your man. It could be acid injected with swine flu and he pounds it down. His clothes however, would make a Turkish casino goer blush.
We’ll continue this list as time progresses. Perhaps after a walk off home run, the reporter should ask “what is your favorite drink”, instead of “what was going through your mind at that particular moment”. At least we might get an answer.
I know Brian Cashman and all the “joey workaholics” of the baseball world claim they do nothing but stay locked in their room, working on “deals”.
However, some of the these people must get out and about and at least do some “dinner deals”. You know, a little trip down to the Hotel Bar? I mean seriously Gents, it’s not as if you are in the war room with Bernanke, Geithner and crew working on keeping the world economy afloat. But then…maybe arguing over AIG is no different than arguing about Miguel Olivo’s free agent value.
Keeping with the jovial spirit of deal making here I am going to outline what I think each current Royal would order at our hypothetical cocktail party down in the hotel bar. Just note that while attempting to steer on the complete side of politically correct, we might blurr a couple of stereotype rules here.
If you really have any qualms about them, run them by Jason Whitlock for confirmation before launching full assault.
Dayton Moore - One always must know what the boss drinks. I’ll bet Dayton fancies himself as a real Don Draper type, but if you gave him an Old Fashioned he’d probably turn up his nose and say “it tastes like alcohol”.
My guess is that while he wishes he could set there and slug scotch with Don till the wee hours of the morning, Dayton thinks he’s cool asking the bartender which beers he has on tap, taking a minute to decide and then proudly announcing that he’ll have the “blue honkers October pumpkin stout red ale with brusslesprout strands”. Dayton will think he is the first person that “started drinking this back when it was a “micro brewery”. He’ll also probably overpay.
John Buck - Johnny Buck Hunter can handle a shot of Jack when need be, and has choked down a vodka drink once at a wedding. However, I’ll bet John actually nods his head in agreement at those Bud Light commercials that talk about “drinkability”. Big Buck never strays off the Anheiser –Busch ranch.
Mike Jacobs – Mike got kicked out of the bar before he could get to it because someone around 5’-6” accidently bumped into him and Mike tried to start a fight. Of course he swung and missed.
Kyle Farnsworth - Kyle sneaks his own flask of Wild Turkey 100 into the club. Every now and then he summons “babe” the cocktail waitress over to bring him a vodka and Rock Star. He shows up loaded and leaves even more loaded. Kyle spends most of the night alone, starring at people through his shooter glasses he has tinted for when he “clubs”.
Gil Meche – Gil might get the classy award here. Gil’s been making some money for a bit and actually might know what goes into a drink that includes a spirit, mixer and ice. He might even enjoy a vodka tonic. Gil banters with everyone while dressed in jeans, collared shirt and sport coat.
Willie Bloomquist – Willie doesn’t get past the doorman because he forgot his ID. When he tells the doorman that he plays major league baseball they immediately call the police.
Alex Gordon – Alex struts in wearing an Abercrombie t-shirt, cargo shorts and flip-flops with his baseball hat on. All he knows it that it was really awesome when he used to go out to the Husker Shucker back in college. Alex drinks Bud Light draughts and Jaeger bombs. The bar quits serving him after a couple of rounds because Alex thinks “keeping the change” on four dollars for his $3.75 beer is a quality tip.
Jose Guillen – Jose drinks Patron like water. But that’s only because he saw Daddy Yankee and El Hector doing it in one of their reggaeton videos a couple of years ago. Jose gets much taller and much tougher with each hit of Patron. By the end of the night he begins to make outrageous predictions such as playing an entire season uninjured.
Yuniesky Betancourt – Mr. Betancourt doesn’t even know what his favorite drink is. The man holds his booze well and if you’re looking to “let’s go get a shot”, well Yuniesky is your man. It could be acid injected with swine flu and he pounds it down. His clothes however, would make a Turkish casino goer blush.
We’ll continue this list as time progresses. Perhaps after a walk off home run, the reporter should ask “what is your favorite drink”, instead of “what was going through your mind at that particular moment”. At least we might get an answer.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Part II: So much to do...with so little
This is the follow-up to a previous post, which will now focus on this offseason trying to undo what happened last season and how best to move forward with a team that might be able to compete in the worst division in baseball. The Royals surprised the world and were active in early trading when they shipped Mark Teahen to the White Sox for Chris Getz and Josh Fields - so far so good they shaved a few bucks and got two players who may yet still have a future.
The following is an evaluation and prediction of what will happen in the foreseeable future, note the assumption that Mike Jacobs is not in the future plans has been made:
Bullpen: Shockingly the Royals did not have the worst (ERA-wise) bullpen in baseball, the Nationals beat them out for that honor and they finished second worst. Truthfully the bullpen is the biggest crap shoot in all of baseball and the best thing to do would be for them to let out a collective "F**k you JOBU I'll do it myself" move on from last year and hope that their straight ball doesn't get hit so hard.
Bullpen Predictions: More of the same, they will find at least one guy for which they can overpay and Soria will need Tommy John surgery after trying to become the first three inning closer.
Catcher: This is a prickly one; do you overpay for Big Buck Hunter or Olivo or do you risk putting all of your eggs in one basket with Brayan Pena. If its a new look you want to see, this is actually the best place to find it, bid adieu to Buck and Olivo thank them for a Job well...Done and cross your fingers with Brayan Pena, maybe tell Willie to try on a catcher's mitt during the offseason - he actully has respectable offensive numbers for a back-up catcher.
Catcher Prediction: Olivo will think he's worth a multi year deal, run away from the Royals and they'll panic into signing Buck again giving them maybe the worst defensive platoon behind the plate in all the majors.
Outfield: This is where they could get themselves into a lot of trouble trying to get better.
CF: While we would all love to see them go out and get a difference maker in center field, we are just the organization to overpay for an aging injury prone CF and be waiting until his contract is up (see Guillen 3yr/$36mil). I've also read in the wide world of Royals blogging that there is some thought about trying to re-sign CoCo Puffs, even at a discounted price this is playing with fire. Best case scenario; Mitchy gets the job and improves just a little bit.
CF Prediction: We are going to sign Mike Cameron to a 4yr $50mil deal.
LF: David DeJesus, we'll take the same year as last year with a sprinkle of hitting in April and May. Another option, DJ might be our best trade bait; good numbers both using standard and metric measuring units at a reasonably cheap price. The brutal truth is that we can't be any worse of a team without him - they are 202 games below .500 during his formative years (2004-2009) as a Royal - so why not see if we can't get a good prospect haul in return and hope to pull a rabbit out of a hat.
LF Prediction: DJ has another DJ-like year and gets traded to the Mets at the all-star break when the Royals are yet again out of the race.
RF: Dream Scenario; Guillen takes his medication, pumps some iron with Hanz and Franz, wakes-up to realize that this is his last year with these kind of insane game checks and he plays a full season and puts up respectable right field numbers while hitting 5th behind a resurgent Alex Gordon and AL triple-crown threat Billy Butler. Sounds nice right; well that's all we've got Royals fans, so cross your fingers and say your prayers.
RF Prediction: Guillen punches out a fan in spring training, gets his release and we see an all-too-familiar platoon of Lil'Willie and Mitchy.
Infield: This is/was pretty much set, barring injuries, except for the wild cards of Mike Aviles and the new Teahen haul of players.
3B: Alex, Alex he's our man if he can't do it no one can! This is about the size of it, they just need a moderate break-out year from him, an Evan Longoria type year would be lovely, but truthfully we'll take a Joe Randa year. The new Teahen pick-up is something to consider but not really worth the time here.
3B Prediction: Alex has an average year and we're exited about what he might be able to do in 2011!!!
SS: Since, according to the WAR/UZR-lovers out there, Betancourt is one of the worst players in the history of baseball, the best case would be for Mike Aviles to beat him out and to be anywhere near 80% of what he was in 2008.
SS Prediction: A Betancourt/Aviles platoon becomes indistinguishable and futile so they go out and get Miguel Tejada.
2B: This was, up until the Teahen trade, somewhat of a sure thing with Callaspo coming off an impressive offensive year with some defensive question marks. A .300 switch-hitting second baseman with a little pop, sounds pretty good to me. Now speculation is running wild that he will be traded and we are going with the ever so slight defensive upgrade in Jody Getz.
2B Prediction: Callaspo is traded because he can't run or field in exchange for players that will amount to nothing in the future and some lucky team gets a good hitting second baseman...maybe the Cubs???
1B: In a perfect world either this new chap in the Teahen deal or someone from AAA (Kila Ka'aihue, anyone?) would look like a coordinated professional athlete at 1B and allow Billy to move to his natural position of DH because Guillen and Jacobs no longer need to be hidden there. However, we are talking Royals baseball here and a perfect world it will not be.
1B Prediction: Billy spends an inordinate amount of time stumbling around chasing balls thrown by the infielders and puts up about the same not-quite-superstar numbers as last year.
Starting Pitching: Nothing crazy here, it looks like this should be the team's strongest area. Give Hoch one more shot, a repeat Grienke year, Banny just needs to maintain his first half numbers for a full year, Gil goes back to being the workhorse he was, and Kyle Davies or Robinson Tejeda round it out, any kind of break out performance from someone in the minors would be great but no one wants to see a Bruce Chen/Sidney Ponson type signing in the rotation.
Starting Rotation Prediction: The front office will get nervous about not having a lefty in the rotation and sign Jared Washburn for 3yrs $36mil because he also formerly played for Seattle and this automatically means the Royals want him.
A lot of questions and unfortunately not a lot of answers; do they need new players, do they just need their own players to perform or are they just hopeless? We will all wait in anticipation for April to roll around and we can get some answers. In the meantime it should be an interesting offseason watching Dayton play Jenga with our already very shaky Royals team.
The following is an evaluation and prediction of what will happen in the foreseeable future, note the assumption that Mike Jacobs is not in the future plans has been made:
Bullpen: Shockingly the Royals did not have the worst (ERA-wise) bullpen in baseball, the Nationals beat them out for that honor and they finished second worst. Truthfully the bullpen is the biggest crap shoot in all of baseball and the best thing to do would be for them to let out a collective "F**k you JOBU I'll do it myself" move on from last year and hope that their straight ball doesn't get hit so hard.
Bullpen Predictions: More of the same, they will find at least one guy for which they can overpay and Soria will need Tommy John surgery after trying to become the first three inning closer.
Catcher: This is a prickly one; do you overpay for Big Buck Hunter or Olivo or do you risk putting all of your eggs in one basket with Brayan Pena. If its a new look you want to see, this is actually the best place to find it, bid adieu to Buck and Olivo thank them for a Job well...Done and cross your fingers with Brayan Pena, maybe tell Willie to try on a catcher's mitt during the offseason - he actully has respectable offensive numbers for a back-up catcher.
Catcher Prediction: Olivo will think he's worth a multi year deal, run away from the Royals and they'll panic into signing Buck again giving them maybe the worst defensive platoon behind the plate in all the majors.
Outfield: This is where they could get themselves into a lot of trouble trying to get better.
CF: While we would all love to see them go out and get a difference maker in center field, we are just the organization to overpay for an aging injury prone CF and be waiting until his contract is up (see Guillen 3yr/$36mil). I've also read in the wide world of Royals blogging that there is some thought about trying to re-sign CoCo Puffs, even at a discounted price this is playing with fire. Best case scenario; Mitchy gets the job and improves just a little bit.
CF Prediction: We are going to sign Mike Cameron to a 4yr $50mil deal.
LF: David DeJesus, we'll take the same year as last year with a sprinkle of hitting in April and May. Another option, DJ might be our best trade bait; good numbers both using standard and metric measuring units at a reasonably cheap price. The brutal truth is that we can't be any worse of a team without him - they are 202 games below .500 during his formative years (2004-2009) as a Royal - so why not see if we can't get a good prospect haul in return and hope to pull a rabbit out of a hat.
LF Prediction: DJ has another DJ-like year and gets traded to the Mets at the all-star break when the Royals are yet again out of the race.
RF: Dream Scenario; Guillen takes his medication, pumps some iron with Hanz and Franz, wakes-up to realize that this is his last year with these kind of insane game checks and he plays a full season and puts up respectable right field numbers while hitting 5th behind a resurgent Alex Gordon and AL triple-crown threat Billy Butler. Sounds nice right; well that's all we've got Royals fans, so cross your fingers and say your prayers.
RF Prediction: Guillen punches out a fan in spring training, gets his release and we see an all-too-familiar platoon of Lil'Willie and Mitchy.
Infield: This is/was pretty much set, barring injuries, except for the wild cards of Mike Aviles and the new Teahen haul of players.
3B: Alex, Alex he's our man if he can't do it no one can! This is about the size of it, they just need a moderate break-out year from him, an Evan Longoria type year would be lovely, but truthfully we'll take a Joe Randa year. The new Teahen pick-up is something to consider but not really worth the time here.
3B Prediction: Alex has an average year and we're exited about what he might be able to do in 2011!!!
SS: Since, according to the WAR/UZR-lovers out there, Betancourt is one of the worst players in the history of baseball, the best case would be for Mike Aviles to beat him out and to be anywhere near 80% of what he was in 2008.
SS Prediction: A Betancourt/Aviles platoon becomes indistinguishable and futile so they go out and get Miguel Tejada.
2B: This was, up until the Teahen trade, somewhat of a sure thing with Callaspo coming off an impressive offensive year with some defensive question marks. A .300 switch-hitting second baseman with a little pop, sounds pretty good to me. Now speculation is running wild that he will be traded and we are going with the ever so slight defensive upgrade in Jody Getz.
2B Prediction: Callaspo is traded because he can't run or field in exchange for players that will amount to nothing in the future and some lucky team gets a good hitting second baseman...maybe the Cubs???
1B: In a perfect world either this new chap in the Teahen deal or someone from AAA (Kila Ka'aihue, anyone?) would look like a coordinated professional athlete at 1B and allow Billy to move to his natural position of DH because Guillen and Jacobs no longer need to be hidden there. However, we are talking Royals baseball here and a perfect world it will not be.
1B Prediction: Billy spends an inordinate amount of time stumbling around chasing balls thrown by the infielders and puts up about the same not-quite-superstar numbers as last year.
Starting Pitching: Nothing crazy here, it looks like this should be the team's strongest area. Give Hoch one more shot, a repeat Grienke year, Banny just needs to maintain his first half numbers for a full year, Gil goes back to being the workhorse he was, and Kyle Davies or Robinson Tejeda round it out, any kind of break out performance from someone in the minors would be great but no one wants to see a Bruce Chen/Sidney Ponson type signing in the rotation.
Starting Rotation Prediction: The front office will get nervous about not having a lefty in the rotation and sign Jared Washburn for 3yrs $36mil because he also formerly played for Seattle and this automatically means the Royals want him.
A lot of questions and unfortunately not a lot of answers; do they need new players, do they just need their own players to perform or are they just hopeless? We will all wait in anticipation for April to roll around and we can get some answers. In the meantime it should be an interesting offseason watching Dayton play Jenga with our already very shaky Royals team.
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