Today's Lesson: 1st Base

Ti Chi Trey most likely spent the remainder of his All-Star break in a closed room doing unmentionable things with a line-up card in his hand. Why? Because managers, especially managers that fancy themselves as “thinking men” LOVE to believe that a World Series is simply a line-up card adjustment away.

Now Ti Chi gets to put his hamster to running at full tilt and live every manger’s wet dream of “shuffling his line-up to create the best match-ups”. While Trey would be better off settling for a $300 PS3 set up, it will be interesting to see what Tokyo does with Mike Jacobs. Since the Royals appear to be the only organization in baseball with a penchant for drafting and trading for true first baseman, settling the current log jam should be a good show. Side note: You don’t draft first basemen, they end up there. The same way the University of Oklahoma or Florida do not recruit defensive tackles; You eat your way into that position after you were a linebacker in high school.

Today we tackle 1st Base ; Let us count the ways:

Billy Butler (“Wilhelm”- Nickname conjured up because he looks like one of those fat, spoiled little European members of the aristocracy. Think the fat German kid in the original Willy Wonka movie).

Wilhelm is only 23, and actually makes the outfielders play a true outfield depth, unlike some members of current roster who compel centerfielders to sometimes cover 2nd base on a steal in first and third situations.

Mike Jacobs – Michael might want to apply for the job of area district manager for Red Man Chewing Tobacco. Mikey is barking up the tree of being 29 years old AND STILL CAN’T BEAT OUT WILHELM BUTLER AT FIRST BASE!!!!!!! If you can’t beat out Billy Butler at any position requiring movement, whether it is square dancing or doing the Macarena, and you don’t hit .300, 35 hr and .400 obp, then maybe you should invest in a new future. Mike – Starting hitting the ball far, Durry Inn style, at a high frequency, very quickly or you might have a good drinking buddy down in Omaha named Tony Pena Jr.

Mark Teahen - Markuss was on ebay this morning scoping out first basemits. What can you say, the guy is like a investment bank earnings sheet. The numbers look good, it says you are making money, but then poof, there is no actual cash coming in. But in the depths of his ginsung green tea binges Mr. Hillman only has a stat sheet to go by and the man is actually hitting .294.

My call, give Wilhelm the nod and just play him every day and forget about the rest. He is 23 and actually has a chance to become one of those hitters that every other team seems to have, you know the one who the other team actually bothers to go over in the reports before the game. Rotate Markuss around the outfield and 3rd until Jose Gullien either has a mental breakdown or gets suspended.